just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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