I feel like abortions should bother me more
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i used baking grease as lip gloss
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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