I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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