After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
