i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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