got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
