He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
