there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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