I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
