i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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