he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
my poor anus
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
