Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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