I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize