he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
