alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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