I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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