I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
