Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
