You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
