cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
