So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
