bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
