Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize