...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
