Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
