now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
