you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
