My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Randomize