Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
