But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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