This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
