my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
