you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
