He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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