FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think I am morally bankrupt
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
