Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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