every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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