Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
