she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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