Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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