the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
