i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
