Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
