I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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