Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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