my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
