He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
