i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
