his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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