hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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