its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize