Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
