dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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