1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
