just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
