life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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