Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We're using joints as your birthday candles
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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