remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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