i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
