You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
