you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
