Don't you send me to vm
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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