Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
