Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
