I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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