so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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