Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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