He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
