I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
