k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
