you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
