I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
