I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
