She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
