Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
