you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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