I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
