Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
