I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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