Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
