even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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