well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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