I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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