Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's always time for handjobs
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
