i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
