Your mouth is God's brothel.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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