When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
