she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
