I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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