So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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