shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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