Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
