your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This girl is more easily done than said...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
