sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
