Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We're too hungover to prance.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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