its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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