She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
